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Deviled Egg Salad with Bacon (When Your Eggs Just Won't Peel)

  I kind of like being unconventional, unpredictable, and coloring just a little outside the lines.

  However, at the same time, I hate not having some semblance of a schedule, not having an outfit picked out, or having deviled eggs completely turn on me.

  I'm a unique soul that embraces both chaos and calm.  I like having a blog centered around baking and pretty scones, until I feel like trying something new and photographing something I actually ate for lunch.  I really hope you don't think that I live on cookies and braided nutella bread.  I mean, that'd be pretty cool, but we wouldn't have a sweet world if there wasn't a bit of savory involved.

  I mean, have I ever told you how much I love pickles?  Seriously.  And a good salsa?  Salt, I need salt in my life.  And not just salted caramel.

  That being said, can we please talk about how I am seem to have really strange issues with eggs?  Poached, deviled, boiled, pan-fried.  Sometimes even scrambled isn't safe from me.  The yolk gets too done, the whites fall apart in simmering water, scrambled bits get tiny and dry, and what are supposed to be picturesque deviled eggs won't peel without taking half of the egg with it.

  And don't think I haven't done my research, and please don't think I'm also entirely incapable of cooking an egg.  I'm actually not all that bad, but when you go through certain traumatic eggsperiences (hahahahhaaaaaa couldn't not), they kinda leave a thorn in your side.

  So, if you're looking for the perfectly peeled egg and the solution to all of your deviled problems, go away and go here instead.  That's next on my to-try list.

  But, if you're looking for a sympathetic soul that will give you something to do with a dozen shithead little eggs, I'm your girl.

  Basically what I'm telling you to do is to chop those eggs to bits, dice and fry some bacon, and throw them both in a bowl.  After all the egg-chipping you've done, I swear that tossing your mutilated eggs with some seriously aromatic bacon will do wonders for you.

  From here on out I made an egg salad loosely based on this.  Mustard, paprika, pimentos, radishes, onions, sriracha, and a bunch of other stuff is getting tossed in.  Nothing is safe in the path of egg fury and improvisation.

  Feel free to disregard measurements and just go for what looks right to you.  That's my basic mantra in just about all things involving the word 'salad.'

  This is where coloring outside the lines starts to look more delicious.

  From here you're on your own.  I went for the cheddar, romaine, extra radish and sriracha route on a simple whole wheat sandwich bread.

  But the other night I also went for avocado slices and onion bread.  Seriously, the ways to dress this salad up are endless.

  Also, I'll be nice to you and add in what seems to be a more reliable method of egg boiling.  Because hard-to-peel eggs aren't fun even if you don't care about the end appearance.  Good luck!

  Slice and commence face stuffing.  Forget about those perfectly smooth eggs with their little bacon bit toppings.  Just forget it, because you got a week's worth of meals out of an appetizer.

  Also, crinkly wax paper and baker's twine, because you and your lunch break are worth it.

Deviled Egg Salad with Bacon
Yield: a lot of egg salad.  4-5 cups?  Who's counting?

  • 12 eggs (It's best not to boil eggs the same day they are purchased.  7-10 day old eggs are preferred.)
  • 6 pieces thick-cut bacon
  • 2-3 tablespoons mayonnaise
  • 3-4 tablespoons yellow mustard
  • 2 teaspoons paprika
  • 2 tablespoons pimentos
  • 3 tablespoons diced radishes
  • 3 tablespoons grated onion
  • a few dashes of hot sauce
  • Salt and pepper
  • Whatever else strikes your fancy

Place your raw eggs in a large saucepan or dutch oven.  Add cold water until all eggs are fully submerged, meaning there's at least 2 inches of water sitting on top of them.  Add 1 tablespoon of salt.  Place the pot over high heat until it reaches a boil.  Turn off heat, cover the pot, and let it sit for 13 minutes.  At the tail-end of 13 minutes, dump a bunch of ice into a large bowl and add some cold water to create an ice bath.

While the eggs are cooking, dice the uncooked bacon.  Heat a skillet over medium-high heat, then add the bacon and cook until crisp.  Remove to a paper towel-lined plate to cool.

After exactly 13 minutes, remove the eggs from the pan and place them in the ice bath.  Let sit for 5 minutes.  Carefully remove one egg at a time and crack the eggs shell (making sure the majority of the shell is cracked).  Gently begin removing the shell.  The ice-water bath should "shock" the membrane in between the egg white and the egg shell, loosening the shell and allowing you to peel it off in nearly one piece.  Or it might not and you're wondering what you did wrong.  Just power on and chip your eggs, trying to salvage as much of the egg as you can.

When all the eggs are peeled, remove to a cutting board and proceed to cut them into bite-size chunks.  Add these chunks to a medium bowl and toss together with the bacon bits.  Proceed to dump in the mayonnaise, mustard, paprika, pimentos, radishes, grated onion, and hot sauce.  Toss together, adding a bit more mustard and mayonnaise as you go if you find it to be too dry.  Season to taste with salt and pepper.  Go light on the salt and really taste it as you go, since you've already got some salty mustard and pimento action going on.  

That's it!  You have a salad.  Store in an airtight container in the fridge for up to a week.  Some suggestions: apply liberally to sandwich bread, make into a hearty wrap, or stick it on an english muffin and broil it.  The possibilities are endless.

Sources: loosely adapted from Taste and Tell and Momables