Lingonberry Cream Buckwheat Torte (Heidjertorte)

  

  "Distance means nothing when your kitchen smells like home." -Luisa Weiss

  In her book (which I've loved and read a few times) "My Berlin Kitchen," Luisa is talking about distance in the physical sense. She traveled a lot, and making familiar dishes in different kitchens brought a sense of familiarity to her.

  I agree with this sentiment wholeheartedly, and I think it can apply in a more abstract way as well.

Simple Mini Ice Cream Cake

For a long time in high school I prided myself on making just about everything I could from scratch. Whether it was pizza dough, ice cream, or even freaking chicken alfredo (noodles and all), I was pretty determined.

Just a Li'l Wedding Cake

  Emma and I didn't have the smoothest of sisterhoods. Remarkably different personalities and behavior traits when we were young caused a good amount of clashing—especially when we shared a room. Her walls were always painted black, mine had every color under the sun. She liked the dark light-blocking curtains, I liked lava lamps and was outside as soon as the sun was up. God, I bet she hated me for that.

Chocolate Stout Cake with Caramel Swiss Meringue Buttercream

  I'm tired. I got my wisdom teeth yanked, I work 6 days a week, and I helped my significant other with moving all the things last week. I have approximately zero social energies. Things have just been one thing after the other here, and this lil cake is right in the thick of it.

Mini Vanilla Tin Can Cake, and a Blogiversary

  Bad and good boyfriends, up and down hormones, driving across the country, 2 different college campuses, tiny kitchen apartments, bad and good days, this blog has been around for a lot of milestones and life changes.

  5 years ago today I created something that I honestly had no idea could've lasted so long.  Indigo Scones has pushed my creativity, patience, and organizational skills.  And I couldn't be happier with it.

M&M Cookie Dough Ice Cream Cake

  It seems conflicting that while I am pushing myself and doing my darnedest I still feel more lost than ever.  It seems like poor timing that I should lose all interest in school during the time when I really need to be studying the most.  It seems unfair that I still have no specific direction and yet everyone keeps asking about how that's going.

  The life of an INFP am I righttttttt

Dairy-Free Double Chocolate Banana Cake

  "What are your academic interests?"

  "Career field you could see yourself in?"

  "Have a major lined up by the end of sophomore year."

  "Oh, Journalism, you must really love writing and the news."

  "When are you opening your own bakery?"

  "What's your passion?"

  "What makes you happy?"

  I wiped off my palms for the 10th time as my well-meaning temporary advisor guided me through the sign-up process.  The entire day was devoted to getting transfers acclimated, and all around me I felt the vibe of uncertainty pulsing as we all tried to navigate our way around a new system.  Every time I turned a corner in the Union, I felt more than saw the memory ghosts intent upon making the day harder than it already had it to be.  My hands shook and I dropped a lot of things.  I came out with too many papers and enough anxiety to fill a five-gallon bucket.

Gooey Cinnamon Squares

  Raise your hand if you've been freaking out about the New Year and reading Joy's post has made you feel a tiny bit better.  The Best of Intentions for 2015, goshdang I love that woman.

  Maybe another 365 days shouldn't feel so daunting, but seriously, they do.  They really do.  Which is why you have to do the whole one day at a time mantra, cuz otherwise it's all just too much.  Maybe you've started doing the oil cleansing method and your face-skin is royally freaking out at this sudden adjustment.  Maybe you've been dabbling in the world of liquid eyeliner and perfecting your cat eye.  Maybe you've taken up yoga and grounded yourself from shopping and excessive gas use-age until one of these job interviews actually works out for you.  Maybe you've been doing a lot of official writing for things like school applications (heaven forbid) and you just need a good paragraph or two of letting your brain explode.

  And maybe that's just me.

Mini Tiered Red Velvet Macaroon Cake

  Hello hello hello.  Guess what? 

  I'm in my 20s!  Yay!  Not 21, just 20, but yay!  That's kinda cool, kinda weird.

  I had a rough week last week, I've been having some up and downs in general.  But right now, right now is good.  I've had a quote stuck in my head lately that goes along the lines of "Wherever you are, be all there."  I guess it's a live in the moment kind of thing, but just a wee bit more introspective than YOLO.  I get into bad habits of worrying, fretting, and all that.  Then I find myself looking back and realizing I never let myself enjoy the really good times I have had as much as I could've, either because I didn't realize how good they really were at the time or because I was busy thinking of something else my daydreaming worrying brain conjured.  

  So EFF THAT let's eat cake and sit in cafes and watch grumpy little Wisconsin-ers dash about in the first flurries of snow.  Sometimes Starbucks is my saving grace, there is almost nothing a good dose of people watching can't fix.

Cream Cheese Apple Coffee Cake

ambedo 

n. a kind of melancholic trance in which you become completely absorbed in vivid sensory details—raindrops skittering down a window, tall trees leaning in the wind, clouds of cream swirling in your coffee—which leads to a dawning awareness of the haunting fragility of life. 

Irish Apple Cake with Salted Caramel Glaze

  I have a history with apple orchards, they started out as an annual trip for my family.  Heading over to western Wisconsin to visit my grandparents we'd snag some honeycrisps, drink cider samples from little paper cones, indulge in honey mustard and pretzels, pick our own caramel apple, and stop at a particular vantage point from which you could overlook an entire town nestled into a valley.  These trips were always beautiful, but after a certain age they begin to be milestones for me.  Events revolved around these trips, but even while they happened it was like being stuck in some kind of time capsule.  Despite the past and foreboding future, you didn't believe any of it really mattered, not as long as you had rocks to climb, apples to eat, and scenery to daydream with.

Ferrero Rocher Cake

  I left you with Black & White Cookies and then drove across the country real quick to get back home.  There were some long nightmare-ish hours in the dead of night on Kansas backroads, a faulty GPS took us off the interstate, a quick nap amongst semis, a venti Starbucks iced latte that I heartily regretted later, and then hugs.  So many hugs.  My entire family was shocked at the drastic change in skin tone (I was referred to as "cinnamon stick"), and I was throwing on sweatshirts from the sudden 30 degree drop in temperature.

  So weird.

Classic Tiramisu

  It was only a matter of time before the real deal made it to my blog.  I harped on about tiramisu last year when I made these delightful little sandwiches, I've spent hours wrestling mascarpone to make a cupcake version, I've struggled with chocolate to make the perfect curl, piped ladyfingers, tried some crazy layering things, and eaten this dessert every time I'm at a good Italian restaurant.

Brown Butter Nectarine Upside-Down Cake

  This cake was an answer to an emergency dessert need, is a variation of one of my favorite recipes, and was the last thing I made in my home kitchen before I up and left.  I didn't mean to post it, but it was so pretty that I had to snap a few pictures.  And it's what floated into my head a few weeks ago when the first real wave of homesickness hit.

Fresh Fig Breakfast Cake and a Road Trip

  If you wish to test the quality of your friendship/relationship with someone, I've figured out that there are two specific ways to do this.  One is to go on a 3-hour tubing route on a river in rural Wisconsin.  No phones, no bathrooms, no stops.  Just you, the other person, two floating tubes tied together with baling twine, and whatever passersby you happen upon.  It works, and it's pretty great when done with the right person.

  The other way is to take a road trip almost across the country in a two-door Cavalier crammed with most of your life's belongings, and only stopping for one night.  That's real.

  Oh, by the way, I'm in Arizona.  That's weird.  There's fresh figs here, some odd trees, cacti, lizards, and a whole lot of heat.  A whole lot.  But I made it, and it's been almost a week since we pulled in and I promptly hit the makeshift bed on the floor and fell asleep.

Fluffy Lemon Pound Cake

   If there's one thing I love doing, it's presenting a much-labored-over baked good to someone I care about.  In this instance, I gave a few slices of this loaf cake to a professor of mine who was a regular at a cafe I worked at for a summer.  When they closed down and I saw him classes, he told me one of the things he missed the most was the lemon pound cake.

The End of an Era

   Two 12x18 inch layers of fantastic chocolate cake sandwiching a filling of fluffy caramel swiss meringue buttercream, held together by a fudgy cocoa frosting.

  Undoubtedly the biggest project for my party, and maybe the most stressful cake I've assembled yet.  But was it worth it?  Ohhhh yes.  I think a small part of me died when we finally had to cut into it.
Honestly, you should have seen me trying to assemble the thing.  Notice the delightful frosting-streaked table background.  I'm probably the messiest decorator ever...heh.  Seriously, who gets frosting in their hair (which I had tied back, no worries)?

  Also, as my sassy cousin pointed out, I really think I should've piped "Congrats Me."

  The little hats are a tradition that started with my oldest sister's graduation party, and here they are making their third appearance in our household.  They're fussy, and a pain when it's humid, but do you see how adorable that is?  A mini Reese's cup, a chocolate-covered graham, peanut butter for glue, and fruit roll-ups cut into little strips held by a mini m&m.

  A friend of mine pointed out that those peel-y licorice string things might be a little less time-consuming if used as the tassel, and I don't know why we never thought of that before...should save some sticky fingers and annoying scissor-ing next time round. :P

  All-in-all, this chocolate caramel delight got raving reviews, and I like to think that my word piping has improved immensely.

Photo credit for this and the next four pictures goes to my sister Carol

  The day was perfect, I found the perfect dress, and with my grandma's cameo around my neck, I can safely say that everyone I truly care about was there.

  And naturally I was in the kitchen until the very last minute :)

  But let me tell you, don't ever wear sandals to a bonfire.  I don't care if it's summer or not.  Mosquitoes like ankles, and suffice it to say that I practically bathed them in calamine lotion every day for a week before the itching ceased.

  Still, again, it was worth it.

  Thanks to all who have given me support and encouragement through my high school years, both on this blog and off of it.  I appreciate you, truly.  I'm ready to move on to bigger and better things.

Photo credit to Anita Klumpers

Earl Grey Chocolate Sour Cream Cake

  I hope you all know of Irene from A Swoonful of Sugar, she's an awesome Australian blogging friend of mine that I've gotten to know this past year.  Recently I decided that just because we're on different continents, it doesn't mean we shouldn't be able to bake together!  And seeing as my motivation here has been lacking, I thought that this would be a good way to refresh baking and blogging for me.  Irene makes delightful things, and I'm looking forward to doing many more Across the Ocean baking sessions with her!

  Speaking of which, check out her take on the cake I picked for our first recipe here.  She totally gets creativity points this time!  Wowza.

God Bless

  If you've been wondering where I've been, this cake should explain much.  The past couple of weeks have been crazy, and this weekend was the finale.  Or perhaps just the beginning of graduating craziness.

  I made another giant cake yesterday.  A vast improvement since last time, wouldn't you say?  My piping definitely still needs work, but you can't just buy practice.  This chocolate beast was for my Catholic neighbors, and I figured the whole "God Bless" thing would actually be a good theme for this post.

  I had my last ever piano recital today.  Usually I'm a nervous mess around these things, but this time I was remarkably cool.  I sat down with a clear head and gave it my all.  And when I stood up to bow, applause just erupted.  I stood in front of the mic waiting to announce the next piece, but they wouldn't stop clapping.  I guess I could've taken another bow, but I didn't know what to do...except smile gratefully.  I've never seen anything like it at our recitals before.

  It was a brilliant way to end five years of study, and it's a moment I'll never forget.

  There have been a lot of such little endings.  Things I've been doing for four years that are just done now.  All gone.  People move on, more things happen, and you live life.  It makes me incredibly sad, but at the same time I can't wait to see what's next.

  Overall, I feel blessed.  And so crazy tired.  I hope to get some recipes up here soon, but know that the kitchen is never a dull place here.  Only this space has been neglected.  I miss it.  I haven't been able to work up motivation for it in a while.  I don't remember the last time I picked up a book either. My brain is in so many other places, and right now all I want to do is sleep and hang out with my closest friends.

  But I'll be back.  There's a part of me that always has to write and create, even when I'm not really feeling it.

  God Bless.

Cinnamon Swirl Kuchen

  I actually remember waking up this morning, and I recalled my dream with supreme poignancy.

  I get some crazy dreams, but once in a while I'll have a particularly vivid one that will stay with me for the rest of the day.  No matter what I do, where I am, it's in my head until I manage sleep it away.

  That happened last night/today.  I tossed and turned, until finally I pulled myself out of it.  When I opened my eyes sunlight was streaming into my room.  I put my hand up and let the light fall across my arm.  For a few blissful seconds I was still dating a dream (quite literally, ha) boy, my dad's entire side of the family all lived together in this gorgeous forest- each of us with our own little cove.

  And my grandma was still alive.